FAQ

Quick answers about privacy, swaps, and staying safe. For tutorials, billing, underage help, and more, see the Help & knowledge base. Still stuck? Contact us.

Who can see my mailing address?: You choose on your profile: all members, accepted swap partners only (the default), or city only — plus optional shares with specific people by email.
Who can see my email address?: By default your email is hidden. On My profile you can keep it hidden, show it to accepted swap partners, show it to all members, or share it with specific people by their account email. Admins can always see emails for community management.
What is a swap circle?: A monthly group round. Join while it’s open; when hosts start it, everyone mails the next person in the ring. It’s separate from 1:1 swap requests. Joining shares your address with your send-to and your sender for that round. Rings are 13–17 or 18+ (hosts can join either). The circle page says Do this next; print the first envelope kit for the person you mail.
What is a challenge?: A shared mail goal with a public progress wall. Hosts open one (for example “send 3 Happy Mails this month”). Join while it’s open; envelopes you mark mailed count automatically. The challenge page says Do this next — pack an open swap or circle kit, or find someone new. Happy and Mystery challenges only count matching programs; any mailed envelope counts for “envelopes sent.”
What is a first-swap buddy?: A seasoned member who opts in to walk a new person through one envelope. Asking does not unlock a street address. 13–17 buddy with 13–17, 18+ with 18+; hosts can help either. New members see Buddies under More; each card says Do this next (Message them, print the kit, find a first penpal). People who have finished a swap can offer to help on My profile (up to two at a time).
Are there country rooms in the forum?: Yes. Forum has Around the world rooms (United States, UK & Ireland, Canada, Europe, Australia & New Zealand, and Rest of the world) for postage tips and local swap chat. Your member profile links to the room that matches your country.
How do I search the site?: Use the Search box in the header (or go to Search). It looks across members, ISO / have-to-send notes, forum threads, gallery uploads, and help articles. You need to be signed in for member, ISO, forum, and gallery results; help is open to everyone.
Is there a messenger like Facebook?: Yes — Messages in the menu (and Message on a profile) stays on the website. You can also put Messages on your Home Screen as its own app, like AIM or Facebook Messenger: on iPhone, delete any old Penpal icon that still opens the full site, open Safari, go to Messages (penpal.gaminghq.biz/messages/app), then Share → Add to Home Screen. The name must be Penpal Messages (green speech-bubble icon). That window is Messages only. It asks for the same email and password, in its own sign-in, and the chats are shared. Search the list, or tap People to see every member you can message without leaving the app. Open a chat and tap About for city and a short bio (never a street). Search this chat finds a word in that conversation. Filter Unread / Requests / Archived, pin up to 8 chats, and Mute to stop alerts and the chime for one conversation. Archive hides it until a new note arrives. Mark unread puts it back on Unread. Photo and Emoji sit next to Send on the compose box. Reply under a note quotes it. Enter sends; Shift+Enter is a new line. Tap a chat photo to open it larger. New people send a request you accept or decline — those sit in Requests. 13–17 and 18+ cannot cold-message each other; that chat only opens after an accepted/finished swap or an accepted buddy. Hosts are pinned at the top so you can write Richard or Megan anytime. Hosts can also send one note to everyone from Staff desk → Messages. Block and Report are on the thread as well as the profile. You can Edit or Unsend your own note for 15 minutes. Chat photos stay out of the gallery. Swap packing stays on the swap thread. Open Server in Messages for host news, file packs, and rooms (Hotline-style). This is not an App Store / Play Store / Microsoft Store download.
Do you run Matrix, Synapse, ICQ, or Hotline?: No public Matrix/Synapse homeserver — federation would let strangers on other servers message 13–17 members, and Element would be a third app. Messages already covers the ICQ pieces (People tracker, presence, chime, age-banded rooms, 1:1 files between browsers). Server is the Hotline piece: host news, small packs, and a Big library (zip/video/audio up to 2 GB, age-banded). Hosts may only post files they have the right to share — not ripped movies or paid games. Help → Community server has the longer why.
How do voice and video calls work?: Open an accepted one-to-one chat in Messages (website or the Messages Home Screen app). Both people stay on Messages. Tap Voice call or Video call and Allow the microphone (and camera for video). The other person hears a ring and taps Answer. Hang up or Mute is on the call card. Use https://penpal.gaminghq.biz, not a raw IP. iPhone: add Messages from /messages/app so the icon is Penpal Messages. 13–17 and 18+ still cannot cold-call each other — the chat has to already be allowed.
Can I put this on my phone like an app?: Yes — two options, two icons. The whole community: open the Home page in Safari → Share → Add to Home Screen (name Penpal Community). Messages only: open /messages/app in Safari → Share → Add to Home Screen (name Penpal Messages). If Messages still opens the full site, delete that Home Screen icon and add it again from /messages/app. On a phone the community app’s bottom bar is Home, Messages, Swaps, Alerts, and Me. You still sign in as usual. Optional lock-screen alerts are under Profile → Emails & phone (iPhone needs a Home Screen icon first).
Can hosts suggest a swap partner?: Yes. Richard and Megan can send a short host intro in Messages if two open mailboxes look like a good fit (same age group, overlapping ISO/haves or tags). It is not a swap yet and does not share an address. You still tap Request swap on the other member’s profile if you want to mail.
How do sticker swaps work?: Browse the directory, request a swap, and when it’s accepted your partner’s full address unlocks (if their privacy allows) — and stays unlocked through mailing and completion. Each swap card says Do this next (accept, pack, wait, or thank). Print a first envelope kit for packing plus this week’s letter — city and country only, no street. Each of you can mark “I mailed it” (optional tracking, expect-around date, and a short “what’s in the envelope” note your partner can see) and “I received it.” When both mark received, the swap completes automatically (or either person can mark completed). After a finished swap you can tap Request again. Home and My penpals → Ready to write nudge you after 30 days with no new envelope, and directory cards show last mailed. Stuck swaps can be closed by either person; quiet swaps can get a gentle nudge (once every few days). If mail is two weeks out or past the expect-around date, tap Mail is late on Waiting or the swap so your partner and hosts see it. Hosts can also open a swap desk to check in or close a stuck swap.
What if I don’t want someone to contact me?: If you’re done mailing that person kindly, use Take a writing break on My penpals or their profile — they get a polite note, reconnect nudges stop, and you can both still swap with other people. Request again resumes. If you’re unsafe, use Block (you disappear from each other) and Report so Richard & Megan review it. Mailbox pause stops new requests from everyone, not just one penpal.
How do matching, stamps, and letter prompts work?: Suggested penpals score complementary tags, languages, envelope size, mail pace, and want↔have. Suggestions skip 13–17 paired with 18+. ISO → Matches you lists people whose looking-for or have-to-send words overlap yours (same age-band and country-reach rules; open swaps skipped). Your Mail desk (profile and Passport) shows envelopes, countries, continents, and stamps earned from real finished mail — not a virtual shop. Home has this week’s letter prompt; print a letter sheet or the first envelope kit, or tap the chip on a swap request or thread. Introductions has starter chips that fill a hello from your profile. Swap messages stay instant so you can plan postage. Street address still unlocks only after both accept (or they share it).
What are Happy Mail and Mystery Mail?: Happy Mail is cheerful stickers, notes, and kindness by post. Mystery Mail is a themed surprise pack with agreed limits — still legal, wholesome, and postal-safe. Mystery never means “anything goes.” On your profile you can mark which programs you’re open for, and list “do not send” items so partners know what to skip.
Can we message on a swap?: Yes. Each open swap has a shared message thread for themes, packing notes, and thank-yous. When you mark “I received it,” a thank-you note is posted for your partner. Request again keeps your prior thread history, and the request box starts with a write-again note you can edit.
What happens if someone stalks members or sends illegal mail?: Zero tolerance. Admins can soft-suspend an account (keeps records, blocks login, hides from the directory), permanently remove members, assign roles (admin / moderator / member), verify members, and grant perk badges (Supporter, Internet Supporter, God Level). Moderators can review reports, pin or lock forum threads, moderate forum/gallery content, and use the Community desk for recent posts and kudos. Read Legal & safety for the full list. If you’re in danger, contact local emergency services first.
Can I add Instagram or Discord?: Yes — optional social links live on My profile and show on your member page and directory card.
How do I show what language I write in?: On My profile, under Languages I write in, tick the languages you can write notes or letters in. They show on your directory card and profile. Directory can filter by language, and suggested penpals boost people you share a language with.
Is this free?: Yes. It’s Richard & Megan’s community for friendly mail swaps. Postage is on you when you send. Optional Supporter / Internet Supporter / God Level subscriptions help keep the site online.
Can kids join?: You must be at least 13. Ages 13–17 need a parent or guardian’s name, email, and consent at signup. Under 13 cannot join. Hosts keep consent records for safety. The Dating section is 18+ only and is hidden from teens.
Is there a dating section?: Yes — optional, 18+ only, and separate from sticker swaps. Adults opt in on My profile. Listings show city and country, never street. Saying hello does not unlock an address. Members 13–17 cannot see Dating at all.
What’s the community newsletter?: Richard & Megan can send occasional updates by email, plus a quiet-week digest (theme of the week and a few suggested matches) if you haven’t been around. You’re opted in by default — turn it off anytime under My profile.
Will I get alerts for forum replies?: Yes. If you’ve posted in a thread — or tapped Watch on it — you’ll get an in-app alert when someone else replies. You can also Watch this room on a forum board to hear about new threads in that room. Email for forum replies is a separate toggle from swap emails on My profile. On the Alerts page you can filter by Swaps, Forum, Gallery, or Community. If you started a question thread, tap Mark solved when you have an answer so it drops below open ones. The starter or a host can Bump a quiet thread once every 3 days.
What does “has room to swap” mean?: Directory cards show how many open swaps someone already has (pending, accepted, or in the mail). Directory → Has room to swap lists people with fewer than 3 open swaps so you don’t pile onto a full mailbox.
Nobody replied to my introduction?: Intros with no replies show on Home as Say hello, and hosts see them on Admin. Anyone can reply. You can also Watch the Introductions room so you see new hellos.
Can I quote a forum post?: Yes. On a thread, tap Quote under a post. It fills the reply box with their words so you can answer underneath.
How do I pause swaps while I’m away?: On My profile, uncheck “Show me in the member directory.” You can add a return date (we reopen you that day) and a short note. New requests stop; swaps you already accepted keep going. People who favorited you get an alert when you reopen.
Can I add a photo to a swap?: Yes — after a swap is accepted. On the swap (or the thank-you screen) upload a pack or haul photo. Crop street addresses. It shows on the swap for both of you and in Gallery → Mail hauls. Hosts can see it on the swap desk. Limit six photos per swap.
What size mail should I send?: On My profile, Envelope I pack, pick letter/flat, bubble mailer, small box, or flexible. It shows on your card so partners don’t overstuff a letter.
How soon should I mail after I accept?: On My profile, pick How soon I usually mail (3 days, a week, 2 weeks, or flexible). When you Accept a swap, you can set I’ll mail by — it defaults from that pace. Your partner sees it. Hosts see overdue mail-by dates on Admin. That’s different from “expect around,” which you add when you mark I mailed it. Mail-by (More menu) lists overdue packing promises first, then dated, then swaps that still need a date.
What is Mail-by?: A signed-in packing calendar (More menu or Mail day) — the sender-side twin of Waiting. It lists envelopes you have not mailed yet: overdue I’ll mail by dates first, then dated, then swaps that still need a date. Circles sit separately (a round has no mail-by). Save a new date if you slipped. Print this mail-by calendar for packed / dropped / I mailed it ticks. City and country only. Mail-by is when you drop it; expect-around is their mailbox guess after I mailed it.
Where is getting started after I join?: Home shows a Getting started strip until you finish four core steps: review privacy, add looking-for, post in Introductions, and star someone or send a first swap request. The full checklist is at Welcome. Dating stays off that path. Home also shows your next mail-passport stamp and, if you joined a challenge, your count toward the goal.
Do invite links give rewards?: Yes — community stamps, not cash and not a paid membership. Share Invite friends (your /signup?ref= code). You get an alert when they join. A stamp unlocks when they finish real mail (a completed swap or a circle envelope): Brought a penpal, Three friends mailed, Five friends mailed. Signup alone does not count. You are not owed a swap with them; 13–17 and 18+ rules still apply. Classroom has Invite a friend (for you) and Your first week here (for them).
Do classroom certificates show in the directory?: Yes. Directory cards show a certificate count and up to two mail-stamp countries. Filter Directory → Has a classroom certificate. Certificates are community badges, not diplomas or licenses. Hosts can nudge someone who started a course and then paused for a week.
What is the welcome wagon?: On My profile, check I’ll greet people who just joined. You get an alert when someone new signs up, and Home shows a Welcome wagon list. Hosts can see who’s on the wagon. Uncheck anytime.
What does packing this week mean?: On My profile, check I’m packing this week and pick a through date — or tap I’m packing today on Mail day (seven days). You show on Packing this week (More menu), Home, and Directory so people assembling mail the same days can find you. Filter Same country on that board if you want closer postage. People who favorited you get an alert when you turn it on. The stamp drops after that date. It does not pause your mailbox.
What is Mail day?: A signed-in packing desk (More menu or Home). It lists who still needs an envelope — city, country, size, and skip list, never a street — plus this week’s letter, I’m packing today, and print links. Print this mail day for a one-page sheet and a post-office run you can fold to the front. Packing notes stay on the swap thread. After you drop it in the mail, mark I mailed it on the swap or circle.
What is Open mail?: A signed-in opening desk (More menu or Home) — the inbound twin of Mail day. It lists who marked mailed to you (city and country only), their “what’s in the envelope” note if they wrote one, finished swaps that still need kudos, and haul-photo rules: crop the street, no child in the frame. Print this open mail for a one-page sheet with a four-line thanks card and a photo pocket you can fold to the front. Mark I received it on the swap or circle, then Thank + haul.
What is Postage & customs?: A signed-in clerk cheat (More menu or Mail day). It lists who you are packing — domestic vs international, envelope size, country only — and a print sheet for the window: letter vs packet, honest customs, no liquids or perishable food. We do not print stamp prices. Look them up at your post office. Never paste a partner’s street into a random rate calculator.
Can I filter to verified members?: Yes. Directory → Verified only. Hosts (or Patron) mark someone verified. You can also ask hosts to verify you on My profile → Account.
What’s in the envelope vs packing notes?: When you tap I mailed it, the optional “what’s in the envelope” line is visible to your partner and to hosts on the swap desk. Open mail shows that note on the opening desk. Print pack slips at the table, write the line there, then copy it onto I mailed it. Packing notes stay private to you on that swap only — they are not shared.
What are pack slips?: Signed-in cut-and-tuck cards (More menu or Mail day). Each slip has who the envelope is for, city and country, their skip list, and a write-in for what you packed — never a street. Tuck it under the note, then copy the same line onto I mailed it so they see it on Open mail. Pack slips are not mailing labels.
What are return address cards?: A signed-in print of your own name, street, city, and country — eight small cards to cut and stick on the envelope flap so lost mail can come home. This sheet has your street on purpose: do not photograph it, do not post it. Mail day and pack slips stay city and country only. Partner streets still print on mailing labels after a swap is accepted.
What is Waiting?: A signed-in in-transit desk (More menu or Home) — the twin of Mail day and Open mail. It lists envelopes you marked mailed that have not landed, and envelopes they marked mailed that you have not received. City and country only, never a tracking number. Expect-around is a guess. No daily “did it land?” DMs. If it is two weeks out or past their date, tap Mail is late so they and hosts see it. Circles list in-transit only — no Mail is late button. Print this waiting list for a fridge sheet. Mark received on Open mail when the envelope is in your hands.
What are Quiet swaps?: A signed-in check-in desk (More menu) for pending requests and silent accepted swaps — not mail already in the post (that is Waiting). It lists requests waiting on you, requests you sent (Remind them after seven days), and accepted swaps with no update for two weeks (one nudge, or close if plans fell through). One kind check-in is enough. No daily DMs. Print this check-in sheet for a fridge script. City and country only. Mixed-age 13–17 and 18+ still cannot cold-DM; the reminder stays on the swap thread.
Can I only swap inside my country?: Yes. On My profile, under Where I’ll mail, choose Same country only. That blocks new swap requests across borders both ways (you won’t request someone in another country, and they can’t request you). Directory → My country filters the list. Suggested penpals skip people you can’t mail.
What if my swap partner is in another country?: If both of you mail anywhere, you can still swap. The request form, swap card, and host desk show an international reminder: no liquids, no perishable food, no cash, and use a customs form if your post office asks. Print Postage & customs from Mail day for a clerk cheat (country only, no stamp prices). Keep it postal-safe and legal in both countries.
How do icebreakers work on a swap request?: If someone filled Loves to send, Mail smile, or Fun fact on their profile, Request swap shows those as chips. Tap one to drop it into your message so you’re not starting from a blank box.
What is the ISO board?: ISO means “in search of.” Fill Looking for and Have to send on My profile. The ISO board has Looking for, Have to send, and Matches you. Listings stay in your age group (hosts can appear on both). Matches you skips mixed-age pairs, country-only mismatches, and open swaps. The page says Do this next — fill both lists, then request the overlap. Request swap on the card; the note starts from the shared words. Street stays locked until they accept. Classroom → ISO and your stash is the short course. You’re only listed while you’re open for swaps.
Where do I thank a swap partner?: After a swap completes, Home Mail needs you and Thank a partner say Do this next. Open Thank + haul for public kudos and an optional haul photo (crop any street). Print thank-you cards for named four-line slips you tuck in the next envelope — city and country only, never a street. Classroom → Thank-you after a swap has the same four-line card. After 30 days with no open swap, My penpals → Ready to write (and Classroom → Write again after 30 days) nudge you to request again on the same thread. Hosts see finished swaps with no kudos on Admin.
What are thank-you cards?: A signed-in 4-up print sheet (More menu → Thank-you cards, or Thank a partner → Print thank-you cards). Each cut card names a finished partner who still needs kudos, with city and country only, plus write boxes for one thing you liked. Tuck the paper in the next envelope. Public kudos stays on the site as a one-sentence note. Blanks fill the sheet if you have fewer than four people. Don’t photograph a street or a child with the haul.
How do I get a Verified badge?: On My profile → Account, tap Ask hosts to verify me. Richard & Megan get an alert and a queue on Admin. Fill your profile and finish a swap when you can — it helps them say yes. Paid Patron also marks you verified.
Can I sign in without typing my password?: Yes. On Sign in you can tap Sign in with passkey (Face ID, Touch ID, or Windows Hello) after you add one on My profile → Account. Or choose Email me a sign-in link — we send a 20-minute link; open it, then tap Sign in. Password sign-in still works. Two-step verification still asks for your authenticator code unless you used a passkey.
What is Artists corner?: A space for original sketches and art. Sign in to view, like, and download. Follow an artist to get alerts when they post. Adults 18+ can mark a piece for sale with a price and shop link (Etsy, Ko-fi, etc.) and tap I’d like this so the artist knows. Hosts never take payment or ship for you. Teens can post art and follow, but cannot sell. Mail hauls stay in the Gallery. Chat in Forum → Art & stickers.
How do I get help?: Email [email protected] or use Contact. For website issues, [email protected].
Is there a Workouts section?: Yes. Signed-in members 13+ open Workouts (More menu or Home). It has line-drawing sketches for cardio, muscular strength, breathing, and stretch, with easier and harder versions — including a packing-desk reset, seated press and row, and a chair-only print sheet you can tape next to the packing tape. Follow-along videos: HHS Move Your Way® (official YouTube embeds) and CDC home-strength clips we host here (U.S. public domain) so a YouTube takedown cannot blank the player. We do not rip random gym YouTubers. This is not medical advice — stop for sharp pain or if you cannot breathe, and get real care. Classroom → Home workouts is the short course. Clothes on, mail off the floor, no showing up at someone’s house to train.
Is there a classroom to learn a language?: Yes. Open Classroom (More menu). Search the hub, or pick German, Portuguese, Japanese, Italian, Dutch, or Korean alongside Spanish, French, and English for penpals. Skill courses cover thank-you notes, addressing envelopes, waiting for mail, and mail everyone can enjoy, plus letter writing, postage, forum etiquette, Artists corner, Happy Mail packing, and kind-mail manners. Swap threads, thank-you screens, and packing-this-week also link to the matching course. Subject tabs run from preschool family packs through college-style overviews: health and nursing maps (not medical advice), criminal justice and corrections civics, forensic ethics including DNA and digital evidence, civics and voting, science, computers without hacking, arts, money basics, trades, and college applications. There are remixable workshops and host-written courses Richard and Megan can add from the staff desk. Lessons unlock in order. Quizzes pass at 70%, exams at 80%. Finish a course to earn a community certificate on your profile — not a diploma or license. Dating stays out of Classroom.
Can classrooms for kids use this?: Children under 13 cannot have accounts. Ages 13–17 already join with a parent or guardian and use the main Classroom (including intro health, justice, forensics, civics, and college-prep courses — still not licenses). Parents 18+ have a separate Family tab of print packs, including preschool shapes, weather, colors, ABC, counting stamps, story pictures, feelings faces, four seasons, and play post office, to do at home with their own kids — the child does not log in, must be supervised the whole time, and must not mail to members of this community. Don’t upload class rosters or photos of children.
Can I change the site language?: Yes. Use the language picker in the menu or the footer (English, Español, Français, Deutsch, Português, 日本語). Menus, buttons, sign-in, swaps, forum chrome, and profile tabs switch. Forum posts, member bios, help articles, house rules, and legal stay in the language they were written — usually English. We do not machine-translate the rules. Mail-language tags on your profile are separate: they tell partners what language you write notes in.

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